Top 10 Ontario Peeves

This is the first of many posts contrasting Ontario and Alberta. Of course I love both places but it seems that my 14 years in Alberta have induced a bit of amnesia. I have had a rather rude awakening after 10 days at the centre of the universe as memories of my previous life came flooding back.

#1. Slush: In Alberta, light, fluffy snow falls to the ground. When you step on it, it packs firmly under your feet making a strong surface upon which to walk.

In Ontario, we have slush. This mushy, wet substance can be found in depths up to 14 inches and usually contains high concentrations of salt which prevents it from freezing. Salt not only destroys your car but also your beautiful suede boots.

The key to walking through slush is to gingerly step over the slush into the ruts created by the last passing car. The slush in the ruts may still be several inches deep, so, in order to avoid a soaker, you must move quickly on your toes from rut to rut across the street. Looks stupid, but very, very necessary.

#2 Smog: I haven't experienced it yet, but I know it is here. But then Mississauga is up wind from Toronto, so maybe I will be OK. To be fair, I have seen smog in Edmonton on occasion.

#3 Liberals: I used to be one once.

#4 Humidity: Nice in the spring and fall. Nasty in the summer and winter, I am not really prepared for this. Summer in Edmonton was so nice and comfortable. But at least all homes have central air conditioning in Mississauga.

#5 Sales Tax: Sure I grew up with it but it is worse now. The NDP government created a law where a private car sale is taxed at a price that they decide. Give your old $1000 beater to someone who needs a car and you sell it for $1. Then Queen's Park steps in and decides your car is actually worth $2000 and demands you pay them $160. Thank Bob Rae for that one.

#6 No Mundare Sausage: Can't find it anywhere yet. Bummer! Just checked the web site and they only ship to Alberta. Anyone coming this way should bring a care package containing Mundare Sausage.

#8 Crickets: I just remembered how much I hated these horrible creatures. They look like smug little greasy, black, grasshoppers that make a horribly irritating noise when you want to sleep. They would sneak into the house and start singing once the lights were out for the night. Search and Destroy could last for up to an hour.

#9 No Mountains: Ok, there is a ski hill in Collingwood called "Blue Mountain", the "Hamilton Mountain" and a few highly eroded, ancient mountain ranges in the Canadian Shield. But they are not mountains. Not that we lived close to mountains in Edmonton, but we could drive there if we really wanted to.

#10 No Hockey: Actually there is quite a lot of this, but it is mostly impossible to attend a Leafs game, not that I would want to. Buffalo is 1.5 hours away.